1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Alec Baldwin
Alec Baldwin photo

Alec Baldwin Quotes

Total quotes: 42
“When it comes to hair, no one is more bitchy than conservative males.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Somebody to Love
Tagged: hair, Bitchy, Conservative Male, Appearance
“Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 4: Stone Mountain
Tagged: Metaphor Examples, diaper, beach, bad breath
“Come on, Lemon. What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Flu Shot
Tagged: Giant Bonus, Privilege, Pretend it never happened, Elite
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to survive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: Gentleman's Intermission
Tagged: Ambition, Throw Pillow, Survival, Love
“Dating is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 4: Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter
Tagged: haircut, Dating, awkward, Love Triangle
“Jack: Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you’ve not been touched in any way for quite some time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even groped on the subway. Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon? 

Liz: No. I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.

Jack: I would think that the single woman’s biggest worry would be choking to death in her apartment.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Blind Date
Tagged: human contact, Sex, personal life, Choking To Death, Alone
“I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: Reaganing
Tagged: Rachel Maddow, only one, haircut, talk
“You’re my new night job and I’m gonna love you like my boss is watching.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Episode 210
Tagged: Night Job, Love, boss, New
“Char Man: Want a cigarette?

Adam: No, thank you.

Char Man: I'm trying to cut down myself.”
— Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice
Tagged: Cigarettes
“Obviously I care about her a lot, but she keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that 'sex' and 'love' are somehow connected.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Larry King
Tagged: Sex, Love, Confusion
“Jack: Now, have you ever had sushi?

Elisa: I once had a very undercooked fish sandwich at a parade.

Jack: I guess that counts.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Flu Shot
“Lemon, you will go and show that Kelsey Winthrop that the ugly duckling has turned into...a vaguely ethnic swan.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Reunion
Tagged: Ugly Duckling, Swan, Vaguely Ethnic
“My fellow Guardians, it is our job to watch over the children of the world and keep them safe. To bring wonder, hope, and dreams.”
— North, Rise of the Guardians
Tagged: Children, Safe, Watch
“Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: I Heart Connecticut
Tagged: terrible, eating, Oysters, Messy, Sick, disgusting
“Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 6: Meet the Woggels
Tagged: Factories, country, Needs, Jobs, Pride, Material, Songs, bruce springsteen
“Good God! Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter!”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: Brooklyn Without Limits
Tagged: jeans, Mexican sports reporter, look like
“Becca: Excuse me.

Jack: Oh God, please don’t be a daughter I didn’t know about.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: Daughter, Wedlock
“Jenna: Jack, can we talk? One ten to another. 

Jack: I’m an eleven, but continue.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: I Heart Connecticut
Tagged: Attractive, A Ten, Full Of Themselves
“Well, it’s business drunk, it’s like rich drunk. Either way, it’s legal to drive.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Succession
Tagged: Drunk, Legal, Alcohol, Drinking And Driving, Business Drunk
“Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It’s after 6. What am I, a farmer?”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Tracy Does Conan
Tagged: Tux, Farmer, Sassy, Comeback, fancy
“Kenneth: I don’t choose Democrat or Republican because choosing is a sin, so I just write in the Lord’s name.

Jack: That’s Republican; we count those.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Subway Hero
Tagged: republican, Democrat, Lord, God, vote
“It has sex, lies, puberty, betrayal, relay races… 'MILF Island' reflects the drama of the human experience, and isn’t that the essence of art?”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: MILF Island
Tagged: Sex, Lies, Puberty, Betrayal, Drama, Human Experience, Art, Artistic Interpretation
“When will this be made public, sir? I want my mother to know before she dies so goes to her grave a defeated woman.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Succession
Tagged: public, grave, A defeated woman, mother
“All memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums had been erased by two decades of betrayal, failure and disaster.”
— Narrator (voice), The Royal Tenenbaums
Tagged: brilliance, Betrayal, disaster, Failure
“The Italians have a saying, Lemon: 'Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.' And although they’ve never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this case, they’re right.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Blind Date
Tagged: Italians, Keep Your Friends Close and your enemies closer, War, Car, Right, saying
“Well, it’s only positive reinforcement when they say it to you. In my case they’re just stating the facts. I do look like the Arrow shirt man, I did lace up my skates professionally and I did do a fabulous job finishing my muffin.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Ludachristmas
Tagged: Positive Reinforcement, Skates, Muffin, Fabulous Job, Facts
“Jack: I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch. 

Liz: Those weren’t jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.

Jack: Well, they got big laughs.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Fireworks
Tagged: Top-notch, Jokes, Common Sense, Big Laughs
“That’s fun, right? Instead of running everything, I’m going back to my old job. So the standards department is telling me you can only say 'cat anus' twice during the show, but I’m gonna fight for you. You can say it three times. Cat anus, cat anus, cat anus!”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Reunion
Tagged: Cat Anus, Standards
“The middle class is dying, you’ll be renting forever.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Gavin Volure
Tagged: Middle Class, Wealth Inequality, Renting
“When someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from post-operative shock, who do you think they’re praying to?”
— Dr. Jed Hill, Malice
Tagged: prayer, atheism
“Never go with a hippie to a second location.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Rosemary's Baby
Tagged: Hippie, Advice, Second location, Lessons
“Adam: How is it that you can see us but nobody else can?

Lydia: Well, I read in that Handbook For The Recently Deceased. It says, 'Live people ignore the strange and unusual.' I, myself, am strange and unusual.

Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.”
— Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice
Tagged: deceased, Ghosts, strange, unusual
“This wonder is what I put into the world!”
— North, Rise of the Guardians
Tagged: World, Wonder, Magic
“Jack: Let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.

Frank: My client has no memory of that.
    
Jack: I also would have accepted, ‘you can’t prove that’s the governor’s semen.’”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: semen, Sex Scandals, American Judicial System
“I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: bold, young woman, Compliment, Younger
“God, this is like dating Katie Couric all over again.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: The C Word
Tagged: Dating, Katie Couric, repeat
“Jack: Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life?

Liz: No, I just wish I could start a relationship about 12 years in, when you really don’t have to try anymore and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Gavin Volure
Tagged: Work, Relationships, Aging, Familiarity
“I'm the new guy around here and I want to make friends, so I'll say this to you and we'll start fresh. If you don't like my jokes, don't laugh. If you have a medical opinion, then please speak up and speak up loud. But if you ever again tell me or my surgical staff that we're going to lose a patient, I'm gonna take out your lungs with a fuckin' ice cream scoop. Do you understand me?”
— Dr. Jed Hill, Malice
Tagged: Jokes, New Guy, hostile
“Good news, you’re fired. The bad news is you got–all you got just one week to regain you’re jobs. starting tonight’s sit. Oh, have I got you’re attention now? Good. Cause were adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired. Only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted.”
— blake, Glengarry Glen Ross
Tagged: Sales, Business
“Adam: You can see us without the sheets?

Lydia: Of course I can see you.

Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?

Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual.' I myself am strange and unusual.

Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.”
— Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice
Tagged: strange, unusual, Regular Girl
loading next page...