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Groucho Marx Quotes

Total quotes: 18
“Your producer, who you say idolizes me, is obviously a brilliant fellow.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Ego, Irony, Idols, Brilliant
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.”
— Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding, Animal Crackers
Tagged: Elephant, pajamas, Literal
“Even suicide is cheaper out here. The California motorist will, on the average, knock off three pedestrians a month.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Suicide, California, Pedestrians, Irony
“Red hair makes a man want to recover his health quickly, so he can get on his feet and the nurse off hers.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Redheads, Health, Vigor
“Despite the fact that I regard myself as an extremely glamorous figure, I rarely receive any mail that would indicate that the fair sex, as a sex, has any interest in me.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: glamor, humor, Fair Sex, Attractiveness
“As I lay there on the bed with a hot-water bottle on my dogs, an electric blanket covering my hairy chest and a half dozen assorted antibiotics tossing around inside of me, I wondered what the hell the world was coming to.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: sickness, Influenza, Existential Despair
“Thanks for the potatoes. Would have thought you’d stuck a piece of butter in each one. They were very nice potatoes.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Potatoes, Idaho, Thank You, Irony, Ingratitude
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
— Groucho Marx
Tagged: Television, Reading, Education
“I will be home in another ten days and will reveal many things that will make your hair stand on end—assuming that you still have any.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Baldness, humor, insults
“Corresponding with you is like writing letters to an empty coal mine or an aching void.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Unreciprocated, Ghosting, Correspondence
“My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.”
— Groucho Marx, Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations
Tagged: Poetry, september
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
— Groucho Marx
Tagged: Laughter, Sarcasm
“Left alone in the dismal lobby, I would totter into the creaking elevator and, with a faintly arthritic walk, limp to my suite of one room, there to fortify myself with a glass of Dr. Brown’s Celery Tonic double.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: sickness, Despair, Loneliness, descriptive
“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”
— Groucho Marx, Ready Player One
Tagged: Reality, food, Funny
“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
— Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings by, for and About Groucho Marx
Tagged: Dogs, Pets, Books, Reading
“Quote me as saying I was misquoted.”
— Groucho Marx, May I Quote You on That?
Tagged: Quotations, Misquoted, Lie to the Media Because They Will Lie About You
“My knowledge of art is infinitesimal. I know that Rembrandt was deaf (no, that was Beethoven). I know that Van Gogh got hungry one day and cut off his own ear and that Toulouse Lautrec walked around on his knees. And that’s about it.”
— Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
Tagged: Art, Irony, Rembrandt, Beethoven, Van Gogh, Toulouse Lautrec
“The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.”
— Groucho Marx, Groucho and me
Tagged: Finland, Writing, liars
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