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Henry Roth Quotes

Total quotes: 18
“Henry: See what happens when you play with sharks.

Ula: Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Dogs, Sharks, private parts
“Henry: Do you have any idea who I am?

Lucy: No.

Henry: No. That sucks.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Fame, Obscurity, Sucks
“[to Lucy] Good morning. Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey. Okay, I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but we are actually seeing each other.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Dating, Good Morning
“Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!

Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Peanut Butter Cups
“Henry: Hey! Tattoo Face!

Nick: Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Peanut Butter Cups, tattoo face, Nicknames Dating
“Henry: I bet you twenty bucks I can get her to have breakfast with me again.

Nick: You're on.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: dates, breakfast, Bets
“Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Happy Birthday, Ageism
“Henry: Can I ask you guys something? What's gonna happen down the line? Someday she's gonna wake up and look in the mirror and notice her face's aged ten years overnight.

Marlin: You know something, Henry? I worry about that every day of my damn life.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: worry, Mirror, Aging
“Remember to use a condom, or in your case, a Hefty bag.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: condom, Hefty Bag, huge penis
“Lucy: What are you doing?

Henry: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...

Lucy: You were going for a feelski!

Henry: All right, I'm sorry... But this is like the twenty-third time we've made out already and...they're getting blue!”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Blue Balls, Making Out, Cop a Feel
“The Beach Boys? How nice of that man to give me a CD that will remind me of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole! [starts singing off key to 'Wouldn't It Be Nice', then breaks out in tears] WHY would you do this to me? [leans against the boat wheel and sobs] Oh my god, is he trying to tell me something?”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Beach Boys, Wouldn't It Be Nice, asshole
“Ula: You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.

Henry: She's got brain damage, you psycho.

Ula: Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl for many years.

Henry: I appreciate your interest Ula, but leave me alone.

Ula: Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. Then when it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone.

Henry: See I'm not sure about the 'poofing' part, because I'm not a very big poofer. Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.

Ula: Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.

Henry: Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!

Ula: Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Commitment, Brain Damage, psycho, poofing
“Henry: Appreciate your time. Not everybody would have stopped like you. You're real sweet.

Lucy: Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Henry: Okay.

Lucy: Okay. [Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car]

Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!

Lucy: Well...my grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...

Henry: Oh...I'm so sorry. I was just joking around.

Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT!”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Pranks
“Henry: Let me ask you something, Alexa. If you made a promise to a girl's dad that you would not see her anymore... would you consider that like a binding promise?

Alexa: Absolutely.

Henry: Yeah?

Alexa: But then again, there are always ways around such things.

Henry: Like?

Alexa: For example. If I promised a woman's father I would not see her...I would simply shut my eyes, while she serviced my manhood. [Jocko the walrus, slaps his face]

Henry: That's actually a cool way to look at it. And a very gross way. [Alexa's smile drops]”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: manhood, Dating, promises
“Lucy: Did Alicia marry that guy?

Marlin: yea.

Henry: Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaiian contest?

Doug: I didn't know there wath gonna be a urine tethst.

Lucy: [to Henry] Did we have sex? [Marlin and Doug look at Henry]

Henry: No, we didn't. Just so everyone knows. [Marlin and Doug turn away] We want to! [Marlin and Doug look again] Just kidding.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: lisp, Marriage
“Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.

Ula: Give me your wallet. OK, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple?

Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.

Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.

Henry: OK. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!

Ula: Stupid haole!”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: haole, Anti-White, Fake Crime
“Henry: Pardon me. Sorry to interrupt, but I notice we were both eating alone and I thought perhaps I could sit with you, maybe build a syrup Jacuzzi for your waffle house?

Lucy: Oh, that would be nice, but I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry.

Henry: You're making up a boyfriend so you can get rid of me?

Lucy: No. I'm not.

Henry: What's his name then?

Lucy: Ringo.

Henry: Is his last name, Starr?

Lucy: No. McCartney.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: Jacuzzi, Syrup, ringo starr, paul mccartney, Ringo McCartney
“Henry: Wait, uh... What is going on? I was kidding around with you! What's happening here? Is she crazy or something?

Sue: Lucy is a very special person. Very different from other people.

Henry: OK.

Sue: About a year ago, Lucy was in a terrible car accident. She and her father went up North Shore to get a pineapple. Her Father broke some ribs, but Lucy suffered a serious head injury. She lost her short term memory.

Henry: So she can't remember anything?

Sue: No, no, no. She has all of her long term memory. That's a different part of the brain. Her whole life, up to the night before the accident, she remembers. She just can't retain any new information. It's like her slate gets wiped clean every night while she sleeps.

Henry: Hold on, here. This sounds like something I would tell a psycho girl so she would stop calling me. Am I the psycho girl?

Sue: I wish I was making this up! She has no memory that she ever met you.

Henry: What about the pineapple thing?

Sue: She says that every day, because each morning she wakes up thinking it's October thirteenth of last year. She comes here for breakfast because that's what she did on Sundays, and October thirteenth was a Sunday. She has no idea it's more than a year later.

Henry: She reads the newspaper though.

Sue: It's a special paper her Father puts on their porch every night. It's from the day of her accident. He got hundreds of them printed up. Lucy does the same thing every day.”
— Henry Roth, 50 First Dates
Tagged: north shore, pineapple, newspaper
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