1. People
    2.  › 
  2. James Breakwell
James Breakwell photo

James Breakwell Quotes

Total quotes: 35
“4-year-old: I'm not going to be 4 forever.

Me: I know.

4: I'm going back to 3.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, Age, Adorable
“[in the kitchen]

6-year-old: Why is the fridge here?

Me: Where else would it be?

6: My bedroom.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: food, kids, Children, Cute
“5-year-old: Where are the pig's shoes?

Me: Pigs don't wear shoes.

5: *has a million dollar business idea*”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Adorable
“5-year-old: I closed my eyes last night and now it's morning.

Me: That happens.

5: I think I can time travel.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, time travel
“7-year-old: Why are we opening our Christmas presents early?

Me: I make the rules, not the calendar.

7:

Me: Mom said it was okay.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children, Parents
“My 5-year-old called the frost on the car "frosting" and I just realized her world is 1,000 times better than mine.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: Children, kids, children's imagination, kids's imagination, children's world, Own World, Adorable
“Wife: *points to a high shelf* Can you reach that for me?

Me: You need me in your life after all.

Wife: I could replace you with a step ladder.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Relationships, humor
“5-year-old: Every time I learn something new, I forget something old.

Me: What do you forget?

5: I don't remember.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: humor, joke, forgetting old things, forgetful
“[listening to the GPS voice in the car]

5-year-old: How does she know where to go?

7-year-old: Women always know.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: humor, Women, women are powerful
“3-year-old: I don't want to get dressed!

Me: But if you don't get dressed, you can't leave the house.

3:

My God. She has it all figured out.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, Going Out, getting ready
“3-year-old: My belly doesn't want to go to sleep.

Me: Why not?

3: Tacos.

That makes complete sense to me.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, food, kids and food
“7-year-old: Why do you argue with people on the internet?

Me: If I don't, nobody will.

7: Isn’t that better?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children make sense
“5-year-old: Sometimes boys are bad.

Me: What about the rest of the time?

5: Boys are really bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, boys, Men
“5-year-old: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

5: Me.

Me: That's not a good joke.

5: Neither are yours.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, children's jokes, humor, Jokes
“[coldest day of the year]

5-year-old: You made her mad.

Me: Who?

5: Elsa.

My bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, humor, Adorable
“Me: What do you want to do today?

7-year-old: Nothing.

Me: You can't do that all day.

7: I can do it all week.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Relatable, relatable children
“5-year-old: *hands me a toy package to open*

Me: Looks like that’s going to take some arm strength.

5: I’ll ask Mom.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Gift, Parents and Children
“My 3-year-old just said, "Daddy, stop wasting time."

She summed up my entire life.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, dads and kids, Parents and Children
“Wife: What's wrong?

Me: If reindeer only live where it snows, why aren't they called snow deer?

Wife: I don't know why I talk to you.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents
“5-year-old: Can we play the snack game?

Me: How do we play?

5: Give me a snack.

Me: Then what?

5: I win.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children, intelligent kids
“[pig loses a baby tooth]

5-year-old: Now the tooth fairy will come!

Me: I don't think the tooth fairy comes for pigs.

5: She does, but the money goes to me.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: Children, kids, humor, Adorable, tooth fairy, children's imagination, Own World, Imagination
“Me: What did you learn at school today?

5-year-old: Boring stuff I didn’t want to know.

Me: Maybe you'll learn something fun tomorrow.

5: I already learned all the good stuff.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: Children, kids, School, children going to school
“7-year-old: *reaches for something on a shelf*

Me: What's wrong?

7: The world is made for tall people.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: World, world is for tall people, short people struggles
“5-year-old: Boys are the worst.

Me: All boys?

5: Not Harry Potter.”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: boys, Children, kids, Adorable, Harry Potter
“Me: *finishes cleaning*

Wife: You missed a spot.

Me: Where?

Wife: *motions to the entire house*”
— James Breakwell, via twitter.com
Tagged: Husband and Wife, wives, cleaning the house
“Me: Did you know people only use half their brains?

6-year-old: Maybe boys.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, entertaining, Feminist, feminism, Girl Power
“7-year-old: I feel sorry for Jesus.

Me: Why?

7: He was born on Christmas.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Christmas, Relatable, birthdays on christmas, Children, kids
“Me: You look very handsome.

7-year-old: Girls can't be handsome.

Me: Then what are you?

7: Awesome.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Girl Power
“Wife: Did you ever give a prize to your one millionth follower?

Me: I let them read my tweets for free.

Wife: Oh. So you punished them.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents, husband and wife conversation
“7-year-old: Do you think Santa is making our presents right now?

5-year-old: Maybe not. We were pretty bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children conversations, Christmas, santa, Adorable
“5-year-old: Girls can be anything.

Me: You can't be a monkey.

5: *enraged monkey shriek*”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Girl Power
“My 3-year-old tackled my 5-year-old because she stole her imaginary money.

Imaginary crime doesn’t pay.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids
“[listening to "We Three Kings"]

7-year-old: Where were the queens?

Me: Back at their castles.

7: Taking over for good.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Women
“Me: *texting from across the country* I bet you can't wait for me to get home.

Wife: You're coming back?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents
“[dropping kids off at school]

Me: Have fun.

5-year-old: Then why am I here?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children going to school
loading next page...