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Mike Baxter Quotes

Total quotes: 16
“A black man who likes hockey, that's the most creative costume I've seen all night.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 4: School Merger
Tagged: Black Men, Hockey, stereotypes
“You can't keep sleeping on my couch. I want the memory foam to have a chance to forget about you.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 3: Ryan v. John Baker
Tagged: couch surfing, freeloading, Memory foam
“Then only time men should be dancing is when other men are shootin' at their feet.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Men, Dancing, gender roles
“Ryan: Scared of a little boy?

Mike Baxter: This coming from the guy who took one look at him and left for three years.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 4: Big Shots
Tagged: Fear, sissy, coward
“President Richard Nixon once said, 'People react to fear, not love.' Easy for him to say because he was kinda scary and nobody loved him.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 4: Sinkhole
Tagged: Richard Nixon, Fear, Love
“All right, all right, to all my winos, gamblers and drug dealers, Happy Thanksgiving.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 3: Thanksgiving
Tagged: winos, Gamblers, Drug Dealers, Happy Thanksgiving, Toast
“Let's be honest, if nobody's talking, then nobody's listening. If nobody's listening, nobody's learning.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 7: Welcome Baxter
Tagged: Trust, Communication
“Mike Baxter: Everybody gives these athletes a lot of slack. It doesn't do them any good. I mean 99% of these kids will never play for a pro team, or even the Cleveland Browns.

Ed Alzate: Don't knock the Browns, Mike. If it weren't for them, the Bengals fans wouldn't have anyone to make fun of.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 2: Quarterback Boyfriend
Tagged: Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals, athletes, Slack, losers
“It's amazing, a woman with so many tools has so many screws loose.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 4: Helen Potts
Tagged: Tools, screw loose, Gaslighting
“Mike Baxter: Hey Kyle, do you have a man cave?

Kyle Anderson: My van. One place where people aren't all up in my business. You have no idea how tiring it is.'Kyle, do this.' 'Kyle, do that.' 'Kyle, for God's sake, get your act together.'

Mike Baxter: I don't do that.

Kyle Anderson: Your daughter does.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 1: The Passion of the Mandy
Tagged: man cave, all up in my business
“Mike Baxter: [after almost driving into a sinkhole] Oh, man! You good? It's all good. It's all good. Hold on a second. [puts car in reverse and pushes Boyd back into his seat] Get back in there. Sit back down. [after backing away from the sinkhole] Okay, listen, you sure you're all right?

Boyd Baxter: Yes, except for when you karate chopped me in the chest.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 4: Sinkhole
Tagged: Driving, bad driving, Accidents, Karate
“Vanessa Baxter: Boyd is learning Spanish at his new school.

Blanca: And I will say, with *that* they are doing a very good job.

Mike Baxter: Why are they teaching him Spanish in the first grade?

Vanessa Baxter: Well, honey, it's a bilingual school. The teacher says everything in English and then says it again in Spanish.

Mike Baxter: So you work twice as hard to learn half as much.

Vanessa Baxter: Or they are learning twice as much because they're learning another language.

Mike Baxter: How do they even understand 'twice as much' if there's no time for math?”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 3: Back to School
Tagged: Math, Education, bilingual, english, spanish
“Mike Baxter: These kids are into big government. No surprise. Teenagers are used to spending other people's money.

Ed Alzate: What do kids that age know? They're just parroting the stuff they learned at home, just like Eve probably does with you.

Mike Baxter: No, no, no, no. Eve's different. She's an independent thinker. She comes to her own conclusions... that everything I say is right.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 3: All About Eve
Tagged: Big Government, independent thinkers, Politics, teenagers
“Vanessa Baxter: That cop pulled me over today and gave me a ticket.

Mike Baxter: I told ya to stay off Cedar, babe.

Vanessa Baxter: No, he's movin' around. He was on Hudson, today.

Mike Baxter: Hudson? That's under construction. Double the fine. Smart cop.

Vanessa Baxter: Oh, I don't care about the fine...

Mike Baxter: I care about the fine.

Vanessa Baxter: It's just...I've always been able to... you know...[tosses her hair]

Mike Baxter: Come on, honey, with your knockers, you go with the hair?”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 3: All About Eve
Tagged: traffic tickets, Women, Knockers, hair flip
“Mike Baxter: Many times, you got to streamline conversations to avoid the big arguments. We do it all the time.

Vanessa Baxter: What?

Mike Baxter: Honey, married 30 years, we're in the home stretch. You might as well know, I actually like Chinese food. I just, you know, don't like watching you eat it.

Vanessa Baxter: Wow, I have been going without since '87.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 1: Take Your Daughter to Work
Tagged: Marriage, arguments, lying, Chinese Food
“Ed Alzate: So now you're down on your quarterback. Even though he and Mandy have a date tonight.

Mike Baxter: How do you know that?

Ed Alzate: Mandy and I are Facebook pals. I asked her to be my friend, she said yes. We call it friending.

Mike Baxter: You should call it frightening.

Ed Alzate: Mandy has thousands of friends on the world wide web.

Mike Baxter: And as a parent, you're always going to be frightened that one of them is a weird, old man.”
— Mike Baxter, Last Man Standing, Season 2: Quarterback Boyfriend
Tagged: Facebook as a Digital Town Square, friending, World Wide Web
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