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Roseanne Barr Quotes

Total quotes: 16
“It is not my fault that I just happen to be a charismatic person who's always right about everything.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Big Ego, Believing Too Much In Yourself, Over the Top Confidence
“Don't be mean to your sister. She's an old woman trying to have a baby.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Subtle Insults, Pregnancy at Old Age
“Well, I'm sorry I didn't sing so good, but I'd like to hear him sing it.”
— Roseanne Barr, Roseanne Is Sorry--but Not That Sorry: Controversy: Once she started singing the anthem, she says, she panicked. As for President Bush: 'I'd like to hear him sing it.'
Tagged: George Bush, National Anthem
“They write about me like I’m a murderess. And all I do is a little fucking comedy show on TV.”
— Roseanne Barr, The Ballad of Roseanne and Tom
Tagged: Misogyny, Murderess, Sitcoms
“Everything's fun when you're a kid. You ever go to the circus as an adult? It's nothing but animals getting beat and drunk clowns.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Adults vs. Children, When You're Kid, Circus, Clowns, Things Get Boring When You Get Older, Wonder of Child vs. Sobriety of An Adult
“Andrea: Did all of your children's deliveries go according to your birth plan? 

Roseanne: Um, they found their way out, if that's what you mean.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: Child Birth, Giving Birth To A Child, Class Differences
“Me and my husband found a foolproof method of birth control. Every night before we go to bed, we spend an hour with our kids.”
— Roseanne Barr, The Ballad of Roseanne and Tom
Tagged: birth control, Marriage, kids
“I’m funnier than every motherfucking man there is. And that’s how I felt when I was onstage.”
— Roseanne Barr, The Ballad of Roseanne and Tom
Tagged: comedy, Are Women Funny?, Stand-Up Comedy
“I figure, when my husband comes home at night, if those kids are still alive, hey, I’ve done my job.”
— Roseanne Barr, The Ballad of Roseanne and Tom
Tagged: Motherhood
“Jackie: What has happened to you? You always believed in my body, my choice.  

Roseanne: Right, and her body came out of my body, so it's my choice.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: My Body My Choice, Controlling Your Kids, Bossing Around Your Kids, kids
“Come on, I'll give you a ride to your job interview. All's you got to do is open up your Uber app and request me.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Jokes, Bate and Switch Jokes
“Here's why you can't trust your kids 'cause they're stupid. That's why we don't give 'em cars or booze.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Roseanne Gets the Chair
Tagged: kids, Kids Are Dumb, Parenting
“You gotta pick your fights in life.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: strategy
“Most of all, Lord, thank you for making America great again.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Trump's America, Make America Great Again, 2018 Political Climate
“To me, it’s a victory over my whole life that I can do stand-up. The way that I got abused as a child was psychological, and when I’m onstage I’ve taken my life and I’ve turned it around. I’ve gone, You’ve made me this way and now you can’t get me. I even like hecklers because it’s like, Just try to be funnier than me, motherfucker. I like it when they’re mean to me, too, because then it’s my mother and my father sitting out there trying to get me one more time. And they won’t. They will never get me. Never.”
— Roseanne Barr, The Ballad of Roseanne and Tom
Tagged: Stand-Up Comedy, Abuse, Triumph
“I think you guys are really gonna like Mark 'cause he is a lot of fun, and he's very fashionable. Sometimes he wants to wear a dress or a real fancy top. I think he's gonna grow up and be a fashion designer. A really famous one, like, uh, T.J.Maxx or, um or that Ross guy. So, I'm counting on you guys to make the new kid feel welcome. And if you don't, I have ways of finding out about it. I'm a white witch.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: Speeches, Not Knowing High Fashion
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