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Tom Quotes

Total quotes: 46
“Josh: I'm almost definitely gonna be Young Australian of the Year for this.

Tom: More like Young Dick-face of the Year.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: Rhubarb and Custard
Tagged: award, Sassy, Comeback
“The thing that freaks me out about having a kid is that you could get one and it could be shit. It could be a douche. Then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: All You Can Eat
Tagged: kid, Scared, Freaked Out , worries
“You’re a pretty girl. This is New York City, there’s like a billion people outside that door.”
— Tom, How to Be Single
Tagged: Pretty, plenty of fish, New York City
“Josh: Why were you trying to put your penis in a toilet roll? 

Tom: Because I'm curious-- I'm a curious guy.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Ham
Tagged: penis, size, curious, Questions
“I think maybe the reason people don't respond to you well in night clubs is because of your sad-as shit face.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Milk
Tagged: Reason, Response, Sad, face, Nightclubs
“I've decided relationships aren't for me. I'm not doing them. I'm done with love.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Margherita
Tagged: Relationships, Love, Couples
““For a policeman, you’re very romantic.”
“For an artist, you’re very afraid,” he said.
My answer to that was to kiss him hard on the mouth.”
— Patrick Tom Bethan Roberts
Tagged: My Policeman, harry styles
“I buy fair trade chocolate. I like that tastes less like poor people’s tears.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Coq Au Vin
Tagged: purchase, Simile Examples, taste, Fair Trade, Tears
“Would you ask a bird why it sings? Would you ask a divorced man why he joined a pottery class? Some things don’t need to be questioned.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Puff Pastry Pizza
Tagged: Sassy, Questions, Pottery, bird, Sings
“Sometimes I think I would be happiest if I could talk myself into enjoying sex with prostitutes and just give up on girlfriends.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Margherita
Tagged: Happy, Sex, Prostitutes, Girlfriend, Enjoyment
“Summer: 'I just... I just woke up one day and I knew.'

Tom: 'Knew what?'

Summer: 'What I was never sure of with you.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Dating, Love, Heartbreak
“Tom: 'What happens if you fall in love?'

Summer: 'Well, you don't believe that, do you?'

Tom: 'It's love. It's not Santa Claus.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating
“Summer: 'We're just fr—'

Tom: 'No! Don't pull that with me! This is not how you treat your friend! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating, Friends
“I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks. I hate the way she sounds when she laughs.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Heartbreak
“Why is it pretty girls think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Heartbreak, Girls, Pretty Girls
“Summer: 'All we ever do is argue!'

Tom: 'THAT IS BULLSHIT!'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Arguing, Dating, Relationships
“Summer: 'This is fun. You're fun.'

Tom: 'Thanks.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Dating, Fun
“Sex is better with someone you love for the exact reason that literally everything is better with someone you love.”
— Tom, 18 Men Explain Exactly How Sex Is Different With Someone You Love
Tagged: Sex, humor, Happiness, Smiles
“It's official. I'm in love with Summer.

I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating, In love
“Okay. Settle. She's just a girl. Just a girl. She wants to keep it casual, which is why she's in my bed right now. But that's casual. That's what casual people do. That's fine. That's great.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Girls, casual, Dating
“Do you ever do this: you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Signs Of Trouble
“Tom: 'What happened? Why? Why didn't they work out?'

Summer: 'What always happens. Life.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Dating, Love, Heartbreak
“I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Feel, possibilities, Life, Worth It
“It's these cards and the movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all lies and the heartache, everything.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, cards, Movies, Songs, Heartache, Lies
“Summer: 'I named my cat after Springsteen.'

Tom: 'No kidding. What was his name?'

Summer: '...Bruce.'

Tom: 'Oh... That makes sense.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: humor, Pets, Date
“Everything just tastes like sad.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Skinny Latte
Tagged: taste, Sad, upset
“I'm reliable. I’m like the rock. I’m like the group rock.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Champagne
Tagged: Rock, Reliable, Simile Examples
“We need to show you off to the world like the royal baby.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Natural Spring Water
Tagged: Show Off, Royal Baby, World
“I love her in the same way I love pancakes.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Champagne
Tagged: Love, Simile Examples, Pancakes
“Don't worry, I'm really good at romance.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Skinny Latte
Tagged: romance, worried, Dating
“You’re like a cat lady, except not old.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Pancakes With Faces
Tagged: Old, Cat Lady, Simile Examples
“I suck. I can't believe how much I suck.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Lapin A La Cocotte
Tagged: suck, upset, Disappointed
“I think you’re the best. Like custard.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Coq Au Vin
Tagged: best, affection, Compliment, Simile Examples
“People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Loneliness
“We are creating mountains of electronic waste.”
— Tom, Casual, Season 3: The Table
Tagged: Digital Waste, Internet
“Summer: 'We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.'

Tom: 'Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.'

Summer: 'No, I'm Sid.'

Tom: 'Oh, so I'm Nancy...?'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Funny, humor, Dating, Breakups, Fight
“McKenzie: 'Hey, maybe you should write a book.'

Tom: 'What?'

McKenzie: 'Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.'

Tom: 'That guy had a lot more sex than me.'”
— Tom, McKenzie, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Literature, breakup, Women, Heartbreak, Sex
“Tom: 'It's off.'

McKenzie: 'What?'

Tom: 'Me and Summer.'

McKenzie: 'Was it ever on?'

Tom: 'No, but it could've been, in a world where good things happen to me.'

Paul: 'Yeah, well, that's not really where we live.'”
— Tom, McKenzie, Paul, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Relationships, Dating, humor, crushes, Breakups
“Narrator: 'As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren't routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.'

Summer: 'I've never told anybody that before.'

Tom: 'I guess I'm not just anybody.'”
— The Narrator, Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Falling In Love, Stories, Secrets
“Tom: 'Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.'

Summer: 'I know.'

Tom: 'I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.'

Summer: 'And I can't give you that. Nobody can.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Heartbreak, Dating, Labels
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