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  3. All in the Family

All in the Family Quotes

“Edith, somebody's gotta be dead; that's life.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 4: Archie and the Computer
Tagged: Mortality, That's life
“Archie: This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith.

Edith: I know that, Archie.

Archie: You mean I didn't have to say it?”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 4: Archie in the Cellar
Tagged: I Love You, withholding affection
“God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: The Battle of the Month
Tagged: God, Mistakes
“Why don't you go back to bartender's school and take a course in 'shut up'?”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Oh Say Can You See
Tagged: insults, shut up
“Mike: C'mon, Archie, two measly dollars. Didn't you ever bet on anything?

Archie: Yes...I bet that my daughter would marry a human being and lost!”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Edith's Winning Ticket
Tagged: Betting, insults
“Paul: I wouldn't have known it from looking at you. You don't look Jewish.

Archie: There is a good reason for that. I'm not.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Archie is Branded
Tagged: phenotype, Jewish
“Archie: If God had intended white people to dance with coloreds—

Mike: He'd have given us rhythm, too.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Lionel Steps Out
Tagged: anti-white jokes, coloreds, God, rhythm
“Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Edith Flips Her Wig
Tagged: Psychiatrist, crazy, Irony
“Barney: Hey, do you know any Polish jokes?

Archie: Are you kidding? I got one living in the house with me!”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Gloria and the Riddle
Tagged: Polish Jokes, meathead
“Mike: Actually, your father is on his best behavior tonight. He only called me an 'unbeautiful thing'. Could've called me an 'unbeautiful Polack.'

Archie: The night is young, meathead.”
— Michael Stivic, All in the Family, Season 3: Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Wedding
Tagged: insults, polack, Polish Jokes
“Archie: [on TV] Now I wanna talk about another thing that's on everybody's mind today and that's your stickups and your skyjackings. Which if that was up to me, I could end the skyjackings tomorrow.

Mike: [at home] You could?

Archie: All you gotta do, is arm all your passengers. Your skyjacker knows the passengers are armed, and then he ain't got no more superiority there, he ain't gonna dare to pull out no rod. And then your airlines, they wouldn't have to search the passengers on the ground no more; they just pass out the pistols at the beginning of the trip, and pick 'em up again at the end. Case closed.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 3: Archie and the Editorial
Tagged: skyjackings, arming everyone, Second Amendment, Deterrence
“Mike: Would you stand up and cheer if it was me at the door?

Archie: Well that depends, Meathead, on whether you was coming in or going out.”
— Michael Stivic, All in the Family, Season 3: Archie and the Editorial
Tagged: meathead, coming, Going
“Them Sicilians are famous for two things: Spaghetti and revenge.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 2: Mike's Mysterious Son
Tagged: stereotypes, Sicilian, spaghetti, Revenge
“Archie: I think that if God had meant us to be together, He'd have put us together. But look what He done. He put you over in Africa, and He put the rest of us in all the white countries.

Sammy Davis Jr.: Well, you must have told him where we were, 'cause somebody came and got us.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 2: Edith Gets a Mink
Tagged: God, Africa, Segregation
“Next time you want to time something, Edith, just let the sand run out of your head.”
— Archie Bunker, All in the Family, Season 2: The Man in the Street
Tagged: insults, Verbal Abuse
“Mike: In today's society, if something doesn't work, you throw it out.

Archie: Well, you don't work, maybe we'd better throw you out.”
— Michael Stivic, All in the Family, Season 1: Lionel Moves Into the Neighborhood
Tagged: Eviction, freeloader
“Mike: ...I happen to be very proud of my Polish heritage.

Archie: What heritage? You come from a long line of bowling teams.

Mike: Yeah? And you come from a long line of boneheads!

Archie: Huh?

Mike: You think with your mind closed!

Archie: And you eat with your mouth open!

Mike: You know you are totally incomprehensible?

Archie: Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense!”
— Michael Stivic, All in the Family, Season 1: Mike's Hippie Friends Come to Visit
Tagged: Incomprehensible, Polish Jokes, bowling teams
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