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Happy Endings Quotes

“Hey, forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called, and he says he remembers more stuff than you.”
— Jane Williams, Happy Endings, Season 3: She Got Game Night
Tagged: Jason Bourne, Diss, remember
“All that matters is me and you.”
— Penny Hartz, Happy Endings, Season 3: Our Best Friend's Wedding
Tagged: Love, romance
“I'm not as dumb as I am.”
— Alex Kerkovich, Happy Endings, Season 3: The Marry Prankster
Tagged: dumb, Stupid
“You wanted me to be happy? I almost was, and then you ruined it. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home, hard-boil an egg, and eat it on the toilet. L'Chaim.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 3: Fowl Play/Date
Tagged: Happy, ruin, upset
“Dave: Whore's Bath? 

Penny: Uh, yeah, David, I did take a Whore's Bath, Okay? I had a one-night stand, and I didn't have time to shower, so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and splash some water on my hush in the bathroom of an Au Bon Pain? Yes, I did. I'm sorry that I'm a modern-day single woman who enjoys sex as much as a man. Sue me. 

Dave: I meant the drink, 'Whore's Bath.' It's gin-based.”
— Penny Hartz, Happy Endings, Season 2: Cocktails & Dreams
Tagged: Drink, gin, upset
“Brad: I don't know what's gonna happen next. 

Jane: None of us do. I mean, that's kind of the beauty of it. ”
— Jane Williams, Happy Endings, Season 2: Four Weddings and a Funeral
Tagged: Life, Mysteries, unknown
“Nothing good comes from lying.”
— Penny Hartz, Happy Endings, Season 2: Big White Lies
Tagged: Good, lying, Lessons
“You always change to fit a guy.”
— Jane Williams, Happy Endings, Season 2: Makin' Changes
Tagged: Change, fit, Criticism
“You're in serious chick-sand.”
— Brad Williams, Happy Endings, Season 1: The Quicksand Girlfriend
Tagged: Quicksand, play on words, Clingy, Dating
“I love being on my own.”
— Alex Kerkovich, Happy Endings, Season 1: Bo Fight
Tagged: own, Independent
“I am in your head, and I got a three-bedroom condo in there with a marble island and a pizza oven, and a wine fridge!”
— Jane Williams, Happy Endings, Season 1: Dave of the Dead
Tagged: In your head, Rent free, Extended Mataphor Exampls
“You're the Michael Jordan of destroying friendships.”
— Dave Rose, Happy Endings, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Friendship, Destroy, Metaphor Examples, Michael Jordan
“What a graceful swan of a lady.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: The Kerkovich Way
Tagged: Graceful, Swan, metaphor example
“Well, you lose some you lose some, right?”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: The Kerkovich Way
Tagged: Motto, Lose, Win Some Lose Some
“Recycle? What is this, Portland?”
— Alex Kerkovich, Happy Endings, Season 3: No-Ho-Ho
Tagged: Recycling, Portland, Sassy
“Avi: My cleanse is pretty next level. I'm only eating clear foods, and I've given up all sexual intimacies. That's right, y'all. Avi's celibate.

Penny: Are you sure that's a choice, Avi?

Avi: Good dig. But jealousy is not a sweat pant that fits you well.”
— Penny Hartz, Happy Endings, Season 2: Cocktails & Dreams
Tagged: Diss, Jealous, burn, Sassy, Cleanse, Celibate
“'Animals for Change' helps to protect endangered species. Except for pandas. They have plenty of money. They are like the breast cancer of animal charities.”
— Jane Williams, Happy Endings, Season 2: Full Court Dress
Tagged: Animals, Panda, charity, Money, Endangered, Fundraiser, breast cancer
“Dave: Have you ever felt like the Big Mac wasn't big enough? Or the foot long wasn't feet long enough? Well, have no fear, ladies and gentlemen, and feast your eyes upon steaktanic! Two pounds of meat.

Max: Steaktanic.

Dave: One liter of garlic aeoli.

Max: Steaktanic.

Dave: A half a block of smoked Gouda. Three layers of lettuce ... iceberg, dead ahead.”
— Dave Rose, Happy Endings, Season 2: Lying Around
Tagged: Steak, food, Titanic, Hungry, big, Meal, Punny
“I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Secrets and Limos
Tagged: Celebrities, Names, Nicknames
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