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How I Met Your Mother Quotes

“ I don't know where I'm gonna be in five years. I don't wanna know. I want my life to be an adventure.”
— Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Something Blue
Tagged: The future, Taking Adventures
“There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it's not cheating if she’s from a different area code.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: No Tomorrow
Tagged: Cheating, Cheaters
“Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait... True story.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: The Three Days Rule
Tagged: jesus, Three Days Rule
“ I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to -- and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been... overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: Splitsville
Tagged: Loving Someone, Madly In Love
“If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you.”
— Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Fortress
Tagged: Loving Their Flaws, Acceptance
“Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost, to all the times it was a No instead of a Yes, to all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache.”
— Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Last Time in New York
Tagged: Goodbyes, Moving Forward
“There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Return of the Shirt
Tagged: Reasons, Date, Girl, already dated, Breast Implants
“That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: The Yips
Tagged: Night, born, Phoenix, Simile Examples, strode, World, Armani, Awesome
“Lily: I don't think your sword will fit.

Barney: I get that a lot.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Columns
Tagged: sword, Penis Size, fit
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Zip, Zip, Zip
Tagged: Wait, Sex, month, young, illegal
“Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Final Page
Tagged: ass, Self-deprecation, Revenge, Expert
“You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom I knew, I have to love this woman as much as I can, and as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second. I carried that lesson through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5 a.m. Christmas morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, every speed bump, every pang of jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way. I carried that lesson with me.’”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Last Forever
Tagged: caring, Christmas, Jealousy, Boredom, Uncertainty
“Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.”
— Marshall Eriksen, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Final Page
Tagged: revenge fantasies, never work out
“She walks down the aisle. You say your vows, you go to the reception, you have your first dance. Before you know it, just like magic, you realize, it's a perfect fit.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Vesuvius
Tagged: Wedding Day, Perfect Fit, Vows, dance, Magic
“The littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Lucky Penny
Tagged: Butterfly Effect, ripple, life changing
“It's kind of insane how much happened in just a day and a half.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Daisy
Tagged: insane, Action-Packed, happened
“When you believe in people, people come through.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Coming Back
Tagged: Belief, Faith, Persistence, rewards
“You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: Happily Ever After
Tagged: Anger, Letting Go, Moving On
“The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you stir into the skid.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 6: Desperation Day
Tagged: Life, Change, Leaning In, Hard Times, Acceptance, Fighting, Resistance
“That was the year I was left at the altar. The year I was beat up by a crazy bartender. The year I got fired. The year I got beat up by a goat, a girl goat at that. And dammit, if it wasn't the best year of my life.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: The Leap
Tagged: Life, Left at the Altar, Bartender, Fired, Best Year Of My Life
“We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now?”
— Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: The Best Burger in New York
Tagged: Hunger, Arguing, order food
“You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: Gary Blauman
Tagged: Life, Friends, Love, Taking Action, Change, moving, Moving On
“Kids, when you're in a new relationship and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, it can get ugly.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: Nannies
Tagged: Relationships, Competing, Happiness, ugly, Exes
“If you're not scared then you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing anyway?”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 5: The Window
Tagged: Future, Change, Fear, Scared, Moving On, Life
“There are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the girl of your dreams and the day you marry her.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, Season 6: Big Days
Tagged: Marriage, Love Stories, Dreams, big days
“I've never asked Lily to do anything ‘no questions asked’ because I never wanted to. She's the love of my life. I never keep anything from her.”
— Marshall Eriksen, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: No Questions Asked
Tagged: no questions asked, Love of My Life
“In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. Remember: Happy wife equals happy life.”
— Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother, Season 9: The Poker Game
Tagged: Marriage, Being Right, being supportive, Happy Wife
“Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me.”
— Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Ashtray
Tagged: Dreams, Dream Deferred, Old, Mom, Too Late
“Whether a gesture's charming or alarming, depends on how it's received.”
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Final Page
Tagged: charming, Alarming, Gesture
“You guys dated before. That time counts. The clock doesn't reset to zero. It un-pauses from where you left off.”
— Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: The Autumn of Break-Ups
Tagged: Dating, Breakups, reunited
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