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Dax Shepard Quotes

Total quotes: 12
“Zeek: I couldn't get Adam to drink one beer with me.

Crosby: No way, if he drinks too much the stick might fall out of his ass”
— Crosby Braverman, Parenthood, Season 1: Lost and Found
Tagged: Drink, Beer, up tight, Diss
“Carl: I want you back. I haven't had sex in two weeks.

Angie Ostrowiski: I've been gone for a month.”
— Carl Loomis, Baby Mama
Tagged: Sex, Cheating, pregnancy movies
“You've seen me at Whole Foods. I always walk straight up to the right heirloom tomato.”
— Mike, Bless This Mess, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Whole Foods, Farmer, Tomato
“She was born and raised in New York. She's never said hi to a neighbor. This is so fantastic. ”
— Mike, Bless This Mess, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Born and Raised , New York, greetings
“Note To Advertisers: when you place an ad on a pop-up window that has taken over my phone w/o permission, it makes me hate that product.”
— Dax Shepard, via twitter.com
Tagged: Ads, mobile ads, advertisement, mobile advertisement, pop-ups, advertisers
“Jasmine: You're cute.

Crosby: It's the motorcycle. Yeah, I'm just a six but with the motorcycle I'm an eight.”
— Crosby Braverman, Parenthood, Season 2: No Good Deed
Tagged: Cute, Motorcycle, Scale, rating, Attractive
“Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know?

Frito: I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.”
— Frito Pendejo, Idiocracy
Tagged: Starbucks, handjob
“Jasmine, you are my family!”
— Crosby Braverman, Parenthood, Season 1: Lost and Found
Tagged: Family, exclaim
“Under all the swastikas, he's a real prick.”
— John Lyshitski, Let's Go to Prison
Tagged: Prison Movies, Swastikas, Nazis, Prick
“I cook, I clean, and I make it happen between the sheets.”
— Mike, Bless This Mess, Season 1: Predators
Tagged: Cook, Clean, Sex, Sheets
“I like money.”
— Frito Pendejo, Idiocracy
Tagged: Money
“Pvt. Joe Bowers: I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.

Frito: Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff... It's like- it's, like, by the museum... Sorta by... Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um... Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where the time machine is?”
— Frito Pendejo, Idiocracy
Tagged: Time Machine, Directions
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